i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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