I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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