checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
