Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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