im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
