So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize