Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
