you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize