Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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