you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So apparently I’m into choking now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
