saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my poor anus
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
