He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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