i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i think my cat just said my name.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
