You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
