Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's like heaven, but drunker
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
