I wish you could order shots online.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
