hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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