No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
