I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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