he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
