K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
