Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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