Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
