There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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