TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
