Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
