You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
