I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
