weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
