can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
