dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
