I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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