Pants 0. Shit 1.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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