I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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