I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this just has baby written all over it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
