fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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