Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
one might say we're banned from that church
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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