the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
