I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
