I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
