I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
