When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I love you. Go after that dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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