No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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