Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
