Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
