I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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