If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
