I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
