You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
