Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize