Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
