I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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