hotel room ftw
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
