I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
