Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
