nut hugger
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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