I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
