If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
