Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
