The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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