It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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