A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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