Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
