my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
