She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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