My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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