And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
