Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize